Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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