he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
