Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
