that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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