I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
