I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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