walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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