Kiss
Puke
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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