she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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