your parents love me but you hate me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
