I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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