Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
