Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
