yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
