Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
