The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we made out on top of his cat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
