I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
