dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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