she was so not down for the gang bang
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
