I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
