help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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