I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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