he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
