Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
there is puke in my bra ... again
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