i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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