I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
