You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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