Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
