the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
