operation have a gay friend backfired
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
