I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
