She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
