I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
