So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
