kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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