I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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