She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
