wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
