I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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