oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
