he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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