we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
