everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want her autograph on my taint
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
