Where is the hickey?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
