Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
