OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
