the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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