Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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