I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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