So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
