I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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